I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
