Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Boobs speak an international language.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
