I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
