if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
ttyl tear gas
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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