Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
