The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
