There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Pooping to opera.
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