maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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