Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
