i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
