Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
