weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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