So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
