Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
