she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
