Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
