Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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