We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
