Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
