how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
