At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i think i just lost a toe
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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