i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
