haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
