guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Please don't give away my fajitas
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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