So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
