so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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