Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
