so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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