I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
