I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
