I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
