I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
