I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
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