hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
