i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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