just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
