pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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