so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
