i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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