ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
