You really coming over, don't trick.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
