so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
