just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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