im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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