i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
