you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
