I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
