How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
