I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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