This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
