Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
