K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
