My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
