I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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