I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
