that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
