my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
