He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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