did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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