I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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