So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Oh god it's open bar.
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