So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
