it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
