I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
