did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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