well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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