im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
