girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this boner is exhausting
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
