Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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