Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
