I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
