roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
