Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
