First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
foreskin is a definite game changer
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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