Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
